Let’s be real.
The in-between times can feel like a special kind of hell.
As a species, we hate losing control, and we struggle with uncertainty. We resist suffering. And, we definitely loathe waiting: just look at how agitated we get in traffic jams or airport lines.
We collectively wish for a rescue plane to fly above, drop a rope, and whisk us away from the mess.
While these tips aren’t a substitute for professional support, we want to outline helpful guidance for those who want to make the most of their underworld journey.
Take what serves and leave the rest.
Resist the Urge to Rush or Resolve
Yes, it is uncomfortable AF. No, there are no quick fixes or brain hacks to speed up the process. You can try to run away or go numb, but there are consequences and as we know, The Body Keeps the Score. Though your ego will scream and fight, the best option is to surrender to what is. When possible, expand your tolerance for discomfort.
Photo spontaneously created by AI Acknowledge the Threshold with Curiosity
Meet whatever arises with reverence, compassion, and curiosity. We often shrink in shame, shut down, or wonder what’s wrong with us for struggling to keep up in a world obsessed with productivity. But your struggle is not a flaw; it means you’re on sacred and holy ground. In your full dignity and humanity, give voice to the experience, and orient to the mystery. Explore mantras like: “This, too, belongs”.Let Grief Ripen You
Befriend your grief, for grief is not the enemy. Grief is not a rational problem to be solved but a threshold to cross. Loss demands to be felt and experienced. Heartbreak will teach you what truly matters the most in life.Lean Into the Mundane
Cook, clean, shower, sing, dance, garden, groom, move, or make a playlist. Magic hides in the smallest tasks, and insight can arise when you least expect it. Choose one mundane act to do slowly, ritually, and with great intentionality. In the threshold, even the ordinary can become grounding.
Photo spontaneously created by AI Learn Your Limits and How to Say No
Distinguish what is yours to carry and what is not. Protect your energy, and sense into your limits with honesty. Let your “no” be a consecration. In the threshold, not everything comes with you.Listen to What Has No Words
Dreams, symbols, body pulses, and intuition; this space speaks in whispers. Don’t translate too quickly or rush to interpret. Keep a notebook by your bed or your side. Threshold spaces speak through the imaginal and the archetypal, which might feel wild or irrational at times. Let the mystery reveal itself on its own time.Tend to What’s Tending You
Take breathers. Move in and out of the hard phases. Lean into the ebb and flow. Reflect on how can you best care for yourself during this transitionary time. Listen and sense into the body; what is it asking for, and what would care actually feel like in this moment? Sometimes we need heavy distractions or intentional companionship, and other times, we need to curl up ourselves in a warm blanket and zone out a while. There’s no step by step formula here. Only a felt sense experience of trial and error to see what works best in each moment.
Anchor in Ritual, Not Routine
Let your process be uniquely yours: quiet, wild, strange, and sacred. Get creative: light a candle to mark things with intention, make a playlist that emotionally moves you, and tend living things like plants or animals as a way of tending to life itself. Create an altar that is brimming with symbolic meaning. Write letters you will never send, and let your hand speak what your voice cannot. Write down what no longer serves, like identities, roles, attitudes, relationships, and patterns. Burn the paper or bury it with intention. Let rituals evolve as you do and emerge from the inside out; these are not performances, but meant to facilitate a conversation with becoming.
Photo spontaneously created by AI Allow the Unseen to Accompany You
You are never alone. If you don’t have a living elder, call on an ancestor, mentor, or a guiding figure, whether dead, alive, or dreamt. Let their imagined, remembered, or actual presence stabilize your becoming. Now is the time to open the mind, expand our awareness, and embrace the unconscious drawing nearer. This is a place where the old ones gather, where future selves whisper, and unseen allies keep watch.Reach out to Safe Friends or Support
When the ground beneath your feet is unsteady, reach for co-regulation and resonance. Find someone who can hold space without rushing into rescue. Ask for presence, not answers. Some benefit from being sat with in silence or having their process witnessed without interpretation. Others benefit from lots of walk and talks. In threshold times, we heal not through explanation but rather relational attunement and genuine companionship. If possible, find a community group, friend circle, or ritual gathering that speaks the language of in-between. And if accessible, professional support can be helpful and life-changing.
Millions before you have trembled here and survived. The threshold connects you to your aliveness, humanity, and vitality.
May you move with dignity and courage step-by-step,
Karima & Mark
References
van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.